Snobs, ranked from worst to worst

by Mark Anderson

Image: Mashable/Vicky Leta

There are those of us who enjoy things without forcing our preferences upon others, and then there are snobs. 

We are all guilty of snobbishness at some point in our lives. Sometimes our opinions truly feel like the only one worth having. This is true of some things (bagels are only good in New York, for example), but not for most. 

So, which snobs are the snobbiest? 

10. Beer snobs

You know what is an absolutely fine beer? Sam Adams. It’s a good, classic beer, and I will shout it from the rooftops. You know what costs (roughly) a million dollars? Four-packs of paper-labeled canned beer from a brewery. Yes, those are sometimes worth the cash. No, you do not need to drink $$ beer exclusively, especially when buying for a crowd. Save your money, and buy a 12-pack from the beer aisle at your grocery store.

9. Condiment snobs

Many will disagree, but: Fancy, small-batch mayo and store-brand mayo are indistinguishable when slathered on a sandwich. Most hot sauces taste great on eggs. Even generic, non-Heinz ketchup is pretty much fine. Just pick one and leave the supermarket.

8. Wellness snobs

It’s great to care about yourself and your own well-being. It is not so great to sandwich Instagram-caption wellness lectures between two angel emojis. I will keep my toxin-laden makeup products, thank you.

7. Cat snobs

There is an overlap of people who insist on owning only cats and people who consider introversion a virtue. But come on, guys. Dogs are good, too.

6. Wine snobs

To possess real wine knowledge is an incredible skill, and one worth showing off. But if you can’t roll with a bottle of $2 Trader Joe’s wine, please leave my birthday party immediately.

5. Music snobs

Baby boomers and older millennials are guiltiest of music snobbery. What can we say? It’s a byproduct of reading Pitchfork everyday in 2007. In 2018, ragging on pop music feels dated and not reflective of where music’s currently at. The truth is that pop music is popular because it’s good and people like it. Now go listen to some Selena Gomez.

4. Cocktail snobs

Cocktail mixing is a cool, worthwhile hobby if you have the wherewithal to stock your bar cart with all the liquor and bar tools one could desire. But if you’re out on the town with friends who’d rather drink cheap beer, please don’t lead them to the nearest $16-cocktail bar. You will ruin their nights and their budgets.

3. Midcentury-modern furniture snobs

Thirty-something aesthetically-conscious homeowners of the world, please know that there are other styles of furniture in this world. That one West Elm couch that inspired a wildly popular takedown on The Awl? This is where our desire for Design Within Reach style on an actually-within-reach budget has gotten us. Maybe it’s time we looked to another era for decor inspo. The Cut says Memphis design is really big right now.

2. iPhone snobs

Please don’t be the Apple user complaining about your distaste for green message bubbles. It’s rude!

1. Pizza snobs

I, a Long Island native, am a self-admitted pizza snob, but even I tire myself out when turning my nose up at whatever pie’s on offer outside the tri-state area. In this respect, I am terrible, and I can admit it. But the truth is, most pizza is fine. It’s bread, sauce, and cheese — there’s little room for real error there. Just eat it.


Share this article

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *